I don’t have time to write today. I have a million other things to do with it being the Monday after the holiday week. Emails to catch up on, tasks to accomplish, clients to check in with. And yet, the keyboard calls me.

My anxiety levels are higher today than they’ve been as of late. Maybe it’s because our student loans are coming out in a few short days, and this writer’s salary isn’t quite cutting it this month. Maybe it’s because my book didn’t grab the attention of the NY Times Bestseller list. Maybe it’s because I drank too much coffee already today!

Regardless of circumstance I’ve engaged a dependence on God. I find myself resting in His promises today more than most. Would I choose anything less? Would I choose to be in comfort and not facing a struggle if it meant I wasn’t resting my hope on him?

In our deepest and most troubling moments we learn to lean on God more than others. This is when I know that things are going to be okay. Things might be different than before, there might be some major struggles and trials coming up, but at least I know where my hope lies. My soul rests on the promises of God.

This year has been such an interesting, wonderful, and challenging adventure. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I am hopeful for a bright future with more goals reached, but I know there are hills to climb too.   

Things always work out. For better or for worse they work out. In the end, I want my hope and my trust to rest in the person of Jesus. If I’m seeking anything less, I’m not living the life God wants for me.

I know this truth at my core, yet the struggle is real. The world doesn’t stop turning just because you are down, it keeps right on going. The whirlwind of life doesn’t care if you are in a bad mood or don’t feel like working today, it forces you to wake up and go get it.

This dependence on God’s provision and hoping in Him isn’t a crazy or irresponsible act, it’s a necessity. I’ve come closer to God this past year than any year previously, and I want more.

I’ve had such a good time these last few months digging into God’s word more fervently and with more passion. I learned how to delve into scripture using a method called SOAPing (it’s more fun than it sounds and doesn’t involve detergent) and also how to pray through the Psalms. I’ve become 10x more productive than I ever have been, and my daily habits are helping me to crush my goals. For this I am beyond thankful, but I give it up to God.  

I am learning so much from our Church, the conversations within our Life Group, and from connections outside of church as well. I feel blessed to be able to learn from so many.

These life lessons are all speaking truth in a clear way, that dependence on Christ is where I need to be. 100% dependence on God. It’s frightening for this numbers guy to look beyond a budget and say YES when I should probably say NO, but my faith has only grown stronger here in the struggle.

To this end I lift up my hands and proclaim that I will say YES to his promises, and no to other endeavors. I will seek what God has for me and my dependence will be on Him alone. I’m still going to watch the next Marvel film, but the bulk of where I choose to spend my time will be angled to best serve God’s purposes not my own selfish endeavors.

It’s both frightening and exhilarating to trust this much. For a dude that considers practicality to be one his greatest strengths, God is showing me that trusting in Him needs to no longer be my biggest weakness.

My word of the year was “steadfast’ and I find myself growing from that into a posture of trust and willingness to depend on Him. This growth is teaching me to be steadfast in my endeavors, but to trust in God beyond it all.

This period of growth is challenging, and I fear it will be harder than other growth periods, but this complete dependence on God gives me a level of comfort impossible to reach through other means. Sure, we can become financially secure, emotionally secure, relationally secure, but our ultimate security is trusting a God who loves us.

Living every day in complete dependence might sound tough (and it is), but it’s teaching me to live each and every day to the fullest and giving it my best. It’s helping me to make the most of my time.

I write this to ponder my own beliefs and thoughts, but also to encourage you to do the same. Consider your journey and where your hope and trust lies. Make sure they are in things that don’t have an end date. Put your trust in the Eternal.